January 19th, 2015

My wish for the future is that I stop worrying about what other people think of me, or really, letting what other people say get to me. I like to think that I have pretty thick skin that I have gathered over the years. Like I can remember times when I used to cry if someone called me big nose but now, I can listen to Tunde call me it and it doesn't even sting anymore. Sure, it's like 'why you gatta keep bringing it up' but it doesn't bother me anymore. 

Lol I just need to stop worrying about what others think about me. Stop setting standards for my friendship too, I guess because I never get what I want. I wish something would happen and the person would do the opposite, stuff like that. Minor details, me always texting first, me always feeling like s burden, like you have sonething better to do and then big things like never really making time for me, again, feeling like a burden, feeling inadequate, feeling like I don't belong, like I have to settle because that's all I'm getting. It angers me when I set standards for my friends, things I would do for them, and it doesn't go through. 

All I ever wanted was to write letters and have them received to me but no, I'm guessing it's a military reason but Hannah is like Nope. 

Then ohh, getting sidetracked here, I get so damn jealous of that boy. I shouldn't get this jealous but it's like, 'she likes him' if she could she'll tell me about him all day, I know this, but that's all I want to be. I don't care that she ignored every advice she ever gave me to talk to him, idk I really don't, what bothers me is that I know I'm easily replaceable. And with him in the picture, I just feel like that's what's happening. It makes me so sad and jealous. 

I'm tired, I wanna write more but I need sleep. Later I'll finish my rant about how much I hate my life. I just wanna die.